I've structured my life--my very being on my ability to remain emotionally unattached; my ability to lie to myself and force myself to think different things that are not necessarily true at all. For my whole life, I've relied heavily on never having to do things the hard way: the emotional way. I'd never understood, in all of my life as a human being on this planet, why people insisted on doing the things they did. Why they insisted on loving when they knew, when I knew, they would only be hurt in the end.
Why they insisted on trying.
So I veered my life away from it--our society's crazy notion of relationships. God knows that I've watched my share of teen movies/TV shows. Everybody always ends up hurt, wishing they'd never gotten themselves involved, or pregnant. None of it ever seemed fair, so I vowed to myself that I would never be that stupid. I would never let somebody hold so much influence over me that I allowed myself to lose...well...myself.
My own thoughts of what I should do have always been infected with my parents' rules and ideas, my friends' opinions, and of course--the general public's expectations and hopes. Sometimes, I wish it could all stop. I wish I could shut myself up in a very small room with padded walls and just think.
Maybe then I could actually understand my own emotions and feelings. Maybe then I could start figuring out what it is that I want out of my own life. What it is that I need.
life: there is no esc button, no matter how badly you want it.
therapy for the finals destination ,
I've decided that I hate finals. I mean really--I've been studying for about...a day and I'm very close to accepting that 1) I will and never will understand biology and that 2) I'm going to fail math. I've never felt so nervous about taking finals. I've always been one of those "it's just a dumb test, what will be will be" kind of people.
But not today. No sirree, today I'm nervous and scared and on the verge of some kind of breakdown. Dear God: I need a happy place and I need it fast. (Wait, what...DRUGS?)
Okay, I'll admit: this post is probably not going to go anywhere since I'm currently crazy and tired. I decided that I'll make this post about how to deal with stress for finals.
When you're sitting in your computer chair, staring at your math notebook and your heart starts to beat faster and faster...you're getting stress. And in an effort to avoid a break down, you should try some of my tips. (They work...I was the experiment.)
1. Take a break
This is the simplest thing and as long as your break isn't too long, it can do wonders for you and your attention too! Close the books, go on Facebook, talk to some friends, watch a cartoon--but do not get carried away and make sure you do eventually go back to the studying...after a while.
2. Cut things
This sounds really strange, but I started today and it helps a lot with the stress. And no, I don't mean start cutting your wrists. What I mean is: start cutting up random things. I suggest paperclips. But paper also works...especially if it's paper from the school (paper you don't need of course). This helps you release your anger at the school.
3. Talk to somebody
I've noticed that the one thing that has saved me so many times is talking to somebody--more like ranting to somebody. I know that AIM is a distraction, but when I study for finals, I like to sign in as invisible and talk to only a few people who I know won't mind if I start having a mini-breakdown.
4. Breathe in, then remind yourself that it's only 10% of your grade
All that matters in the end is that you tried. Sure, your parents might be mad if you get a bad grade, but it's really not that big of a deal, right? In 10 years you'll laugh at this and think back to all the paperclips and important paperwork you destroyed.
